Plenty in love, his also concerned for himself


Plenty
of people have a wrong notation of love as “falling in love”. One of the
reasons why this is so is because people often stress on being loved rather
than loving. Another reason is because people think that it is easy to love but
difficult to find someone. The third reason is that people confuse the initial
state of falling in love and the permanent state which is being in love. However,
love requires more depth and work. Love is not only knowing but also doing.

Although
love presupposes knowing, it is different from knowing. In knowing, one lets
reality be. But in loving, man will somehow “make” the other be. Like how the
teacher makes the student a student and how the student makes the teacher a
teacher.

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The
experience of love begins with loneliness. Loneliness is one of the basic
experiences of man because of his self-awareness. There are some ways in which
man can answer this problem of loneliness such as involving himself in vices,
and becoming a member of a group (clubs, sororities, fraternities). The answer
to loneliness is love but love can be immature. Immature love the individuality
of man is lost. The loneliness ends when the love encounter begins, when a
person finds or is found by another, and that a meeting of persons is not
simply bumping into each other or exchanging pleasant remarks, but these things
can make a deeper meaning.

When
it comes to love, man should love himself but not to the point of being
narcissistic. Because man is in love, his also concerned for himself too and
not just for the other. There is a need of sacrifice in loving which is usually
misunderstood as the loss of one’s self but it does not mean the loss of the
self. In loving the other, man must need to love himself, and in loving the
other, man comes to fulfill himself. Man needs to love himself before loving
someone else because in loving, man offers himself as a gift to the other, so
the gift has to be valuable to him at first, otherwise man is giving garbage to
the other. When man’s gift of self is accepted, the value of himself is
confirmed by the beloved Man then experiences the joy of giving and also
receiving.

In
love, the giving is not a giving up in the sense of being deprived of something
because the self is not a thing that when given no longer belongs to the giver
but to the given. Nor is the giving love coming from a marketing character
because man does not give in order to get something in return. Man does not
give as well in order to feel good but man gives himself because he experiences
a certain bounty, richness, value in you. To give one’s self means to give one’s
will, ideas, feelings, and experience to the other — all that is alive in you.
Thus there exists in loving the desire to be loved in return. But this desire
is never the motive in loving the other. The primary motive in love is the
person for whom man cares. The person is discovered by the lover himself not
with the eyes, nor the mind, but by the heart itself. The beloved must freely
accept the offer of the lover. Only when the beloved says yes will the lover
become fruitful. Like how the teachers love is fruitful only when the student
accepts freely the education. 

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