Why have I sgreed? What made me say yes? I do not want to go to Europe! I want to stay here in Long Island for the rest of my life.
I know that my family thinks that I have been shutting the world out but I simply can not stand the aberessment in facing all those people back home , in New York, looking at me, talking among themselves here comes Sarah Thompson. She is divorced you know. Why cant my family understand that? And beside, I just found the most amazing house right here in Long Island. It is in an old deserted farm. There is a tiny little cottage there in a desperat need of repair and it is near the ocean. Oh, how I would love to live near the ocean! Im gonna make that little cottage, with its 10 acres , the perfact home.
I know now Diary why I have agreed to go to Europe with Mom and Dad.
I hope that after those two months they will be dragging me all around Europe, from Cannes all the way to London through Monaco, Paris and rome, Mom and Dad would finally except the fact that I like the way my life had turned out. I like being alone and I do not feel lonely at all no matter what they think. I deserve being alone. Ill be divorced soon and I had a misscarriage because I did not want my baby strong enough.
Oh, I have to go now . I have not packed yet.
These two months are going to be the longest ones in my life.
June 3rd , 1938
I think that maybe, just maybe, this tip is not going to be as terrible as I forst thought.
We got to the ship today accompaind by Jane , Peter and the kids . I am going to miss all of them so much during our trip. I an so glad I made up with Jane. She really was not to blame for being pregnant when I lost my baby. And Marjorie is such a perfact little angel.
After they had left the ship, Mom came into my room in the cabin and we talked and I ended up crying in her arms, telling her all about how afraid I am of everything. Afraid of living.Snd she had put her arms around me and for a few moments I felt like I did when I was a little girl, afraid of the storm, safe and protected. I am happy I told her. Our trip will be much easier thast way.
We got out from the cabin and found Dad waiting for us on the deck . While Mom went shopping we took a walk down the deck.I do not think Dad had expected such a conversation with me. We talked about everything, especially the situation in Europe. Dad thinks that the United States would never be involved in a war over there. And like Ambassador Kennedy, he feels that England is in no position to engage in a war in Europe.
I wish we could go to Germany. I would live to get a feeling for what is happening there and even talk to people. I thought of telling it to dad but I know he would never let me.
Well, I am going to dinner. We are sitting at the captains table so I mistnt be late.I hope no one will try and set me up with someone.
Just when I thought I could not take it anymore, all these people, pushing their dreadfulrelatives towords me, that is when I met William , Duke of Whitfield, though I did not know he is a Duke until later. We met at a picnic at a farm house in Leicester owned by his cousin Belinda. I was facanaited by the castle when he came up to me and we started talking. After less than an hour we became friends and ended up talking for three hours not caring if anyone knows where we are. We talked about everything, from our ages and family to politics. He told me he had just been to Munich and that the tansion could be felt acutely there. He had also made me laugh again , which is a feeling I did not have for a long time. By the time we got back castle , three hours had gone by and we felt as comfortable and in ease as old friends. We ran inro Belinda and that is when I found out that William is a Duke. But you know what Diary? By than, I really did not care. For me he was William, a new friend.
As he walked us to our car we kept talking and I teased him , and called him Your Grace. He is so much fun to tease. He has a great smile and laughter. He gave me a kiss on the chick before I got into the car and for the first time in a long while I felt something inside of me change.
He had promised to my father he would call us tomorrow at the hotel and I wondered then if he ever will. I still wonder Diary.
How I hope he would and how I hope he would not.
my comment: this is a three day diary. it has spelling mistakes. check it very carefully. my grade was 97.